Wednesday, January 30, 2008

VH1's "I Love Tub's Origin Story"


Loni Love:
This kid, it's like, it don't take much to make him happy. Just sit his ass down on a bench, and like, give him, like, a calculator and an ice cream cone. He good. Like, he don't even push the buttons on the calculator or EAT THE DAMN ICE CREAM, he just SIT there, he-- *dissolves into giggles*
Hal Sparks:
Okay, so let's say you're a skinny thirty-something cokehead or whatever, and you're hanging out with all of your thirty-something cokehead pals, and you -- I mean, there's nothing else to do, right, because you're all out of blow or whatever, so you decide to locate some dumbass to push around, you know what I'm saying? *eyes pop from skull* Are you gonna choose that five-foot-two weakling in the "Happy Days" t-shirt or whatever, or are you gonna, are you -- *gesticulates wildly* You want a challenge, you know what I mean? You pick the one dude who's as big as all you skinny cokehead douchebags combined, and you... urghlblurgh... eurgh... *stares helplessly at camera*
Rachel Harris:
General Angst? Is my dream man? It's like, my fantasy? For a man to show up, out of the blue, and say, "I want to take you away with me? And have you live with me? And let me make you over into a superior being? And all I want from you? Is the occasional back rub.
Michael Ian Black:
Doctor Moon. A pioneer. Truly. His mother wanted him to be a dentist. But no. Because here was a man with a vision. And that vision was to hook up with a crazy old man in a Sherlock Holmes hat, and insert plastic into fat guys. *nods, solemnly* His name will never be forgotten. *breaks into toolish grin* ...Aw, shit. I forgot to be funny, again. Fuck it. Give me my paycheck.
Michael Colton and John Aboud:
Colton: *shakes finger at Aboud* You have to fight Batman!
Aboud: But I don't--
Colton: Do it! Fight him!
Aboud: But--
Colton: Don't sass me!
Aboud: But I don't hate him, see, I--
Colton: That is an order!
Aboud: What's in it for me?
Colton: I don't kick your ass, that's what's in it for you!
Aboud: Not good enough! You--
Colton: I--
Aboud: We--
*Colton tackles Aboud off of his crappy folding chair, and procedes to fist the bejeezus out of him*


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I sure grok that gork.

MaGnUs said...

I know I haven't been around lately BB, but have you seen Action Comics #861? Now Eyeful Ethel and Plant Lad are there!!!!

MaGnUs said...

Ah, my bad, it's not Plant Lad... I was so hopeful...

Jeremy Rizza said...

Jon: And I grok gorp. But to each his own...

MaGnUs: I haven't seen it! So if it's not Plant Lad, who is it? Chlorophyl Kid, maybe? And when am I gonna show up in that damned storyline?! Well, maybe Shooter will think of something cool to do with me.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Oh man, gorp is awesome!

MaGnUs said...

BB, it was a durlan disguised as a plant... Geoff Johns, why must you tease us!!! But if Eyeful Ethel just appeared out of the blue, you can't be far behind, I guess.