Friday, July 25, 2008

And Now, a Heart-Warming Tableau

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Alien Super-Villain One: Indeed! Our people shall rejoice when they behold-- wait. You're being sarcastic again, aren't you?

Alien Super-Villain Two: NO, Dad, I'm seriously pumped about spending "quality time" with you. This is way better than hangin' out at the Olympus Mons Galleria with my friends.

A S-V 1: Still thy tongue, stripling!

A S-V 2: Yeah? How's about you suck it, old man? 'Cause I could honestly give a shit about helping you kill this alien dough-ball here.

Shield: I'm not doughy! I'm barrel-chested.

A S-V 1: Have you no sense of history, boy? For millennia, have our proud ancestors imposed our singular will upon trembling galaxies, and...

A S-V 2: Screw that shit! What about my dreams?

A S-V 1: What "dreams" would those be? I don't see you working towards anything! Unless you're in training for the "Napping and Acting Sullen Olympics."

A S-V 2: They don't even hold that event anymore and you know it, Dad! By the Emerald Void of K'thglz, you're so fucking lame!

A S-V 1: HEY! YOU DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! You know what? That's it. You're grounded. No hover-biking for seventeen solar-cycles.

A S-V 2: But--!

A S-V 1: Nope! This is final! And don't even think about whining to your mother about it. I'm not changing my mind.

A S-V 2: You--! I HATE YOU! I SO FUCKING HATE YOU RIGHT NOW!

Shield: Look, can I just go, or...

A S-V 1 and A S-V 2: Quiet, you!

7 comments:

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Stupid emo alien. Stupid emo aliens are worse than stupid scenester aliens.

Bill S. said...

This was my so-called life. God, I'm glad I'm not a teenager; I'm also so thankful I will never spawn!

LurkerWithout said...

Generic Martian Dad should count himself lucky. His kid is just normally teen sullen. Not like the Kree where the teen trends are towards hard-core Skrull gangster rap combined with Earth Old West re-enactments. Skrull phat beats and everyone putting Kid in front of or behind their name. Ugh...

Of course both are better than the Khunds where Emo Malt Shop culture is sweeping the teen scene...

*shudder*

Arcade Fire and The Platters were NOT meant to be mixed together...

Anonymous said...

So, apparently these Archie superheroes are being introduced into the DC universe. I doubt it'll be anywhere near as entertaining as your coverage of the "classic" stories. Thanks a bunch, sir.

-Phil

Wonder Man said...

oh my, the youth these days

Blockade Boy said...

Jon: I don't even know what "scenester" means! You're making me feel old, and I was born, like, a thousand years later than you were! Dagnabbit.

Bill S.: Take heart; there's always adoption. Maybe you can give some wayward, musclebound twenty-year-old a good home. ;)

Lurker: Good point re: the Emo Malt Shop Khunds. Those guys just were not meant to wear poodle skirts and saddle shoes.

Phil: For realsies? Cripes, I hope Geoff Johns doesn't maim them too badly.

Wonder Man: Totally agree. Now, everybody GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!

Scipio said...

Oh, I would pay GOOD money for a Ram-o-pult to bash the conceit out of me.

Particularly on weekends when I'm alone...