Monday, September 24, 2007

I'm OK - You're a Fool


A Practical Guide to Transformed Non-Man Analysis
by Doctor Thomas Anthony Demitrius, M.D.

Greetings, friends and/or fools!

This book is intended as an introduction to my theory of Transformed Non-Man Analysis, or "Transnonmanalysis" for short. At the core of my teachings is the principle that any philosophical position any of us takes in regard to our fellow men (including annoying loudmouth coworkers) can be boiled down to one of four basic ideas:
  1. I'm a fool, you're okay: this position is generally wrong. Odds are, you're a lithe, emotionally beautiful genius who is being oppressed by some talkative jackass in a stupid aviator's helmet. You must await the change. Release the crabclaw tentacles within! Then smack the shit out of that bastard. ...If you are a talkative jackass in a stupid aviator's helmet, forget what I just said. You're a fool.
  2. I'm a fool, you're a fool: this is better than the first position, but not by much. Take a closer look at your coworker. Sure, he's probably a fool. I bet he shows off with his fancy -shmancy laser beam eyeballs and Ginsu hands when a soldering iron/hot glue gun and a pen knife would have worked just as well, and without the unnecessary expenditure of energy. But are you really as bad as all that? Or has this jerk-off merely convinced you that you are? Think about it.
  3. I'm okay, you're okay: what're you, kidding me? Wake up, dummy! You're better than okay! Who else can accomplish such glorious feats of surrealism? How about that bozo over there -- the one with the Dr. Mid-Nite goggles? Can he grow to two stories tall? I think not. Look at him. He thinks he's a criminal mastermind, but he takes orders from some doofus who talks to his cigarette, and when he was told to get some camouflage jumpsuits, all he could dig up was some mechanics' coveralls with grease stains on them. And he calls you a fool! You know you only took this lame gig so you could earn enough dough to move out of your mom's basement and maybe have a little extra left over to self-publish that book of poems you wrote that's going to change the world! You know that.
  4. I'm okay, you're a fool: now we're talkin'! To quote an old Amerikanski song (I think), "buck up, Billy-boy!" Stage a bloody coup and kick your oppressor to the curb! (That's assuming you can even find a curb, since you seem to be trapped in a maze of blank walls. But still.)

Once you understand these four principles, you're well on your way to living a richer, more fulfilling life, away from the pointy metal claws and searing eyebeams of those who would oppose you.

And don't forget to check out my comrade Lucie's newest self-help book, "Smart Drivers, Stupid Passengers."


Anonymous said...

It's sort of difficult to blame any artist working with Young Gerry Conway for being lazy with his backgrounds, since the amount of text on the page pretty much automatically meant you'd never see the background anyway. Even still, a little bit of background would have gone a long way to making the perspective in that panel make any sense.

Anonymous said...

Slasher's words hurt. You can tell by the way they just sliced through Iron Man's shoulderpad. Just as he's about to vomit again, too. Poor billionaire superhero.

I not only like the implication that the jumpsuits were supposed to be camouflage (even though we did see the curtains they made them from), but the image of Demetrius, (the) Slasher, and Lucie tooling around Washington in their VW limovan in fatigues? Priceless.

Anonymous said...

Great, now I have Jiminy Cricket's "I'm No Fool" playing in my head.

I'm no fool, no sirree
I'm gonna live to be 23!
I'll be safe for you and me
'Cause I'm no fool!

Stephen R. said...

"I'm okay, you're a fool"

I've built my entire LIFE on that concept. And look where it's got me.

No, really. Look. And tell me...

Should I change my "life concept?"

Dave said...

"What would you have me see, skull?"

"Skull?" What the hell? Is that supposed to be an insult or something?

I think you could replace Demitrius' dialog with:

"They laughed me out of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants -- but now my head-boobs RULE SUPREME!"

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I was wondering about that skull comment as well. Do you think he was trying to say numbskull but the letterer didn't have enough space in the panel?

Jeremy Rizza said...

Justin: One thing I've learned while blogging this comic is that perspective in George Tuska's world is a capricious li'l mo-fo... but it sure gives you one helluva ride!

Anonymous: Maybe Slasher has a pointy metal tongue as well! (And let's just stop right there when it comes to imagining any further cybernetic enhancements for Slasher.)

David: Heh. 23 doesn't sound like such a ripe old age anymore, does it?

Stephen: I live by the same credo, so I'm not going to try 'n' dissuade you!

Dave and Jon: I honestly wonder if this is another of Conway's descriptions for Transformed Non-Man Style Demitrius just being totally ignored by Tuska. Like, maybe Demitrius was supposed to look like a giant floating skull immersed in crackling golden energy.

Anonymous said...

Heh. 23 doesn't sound like such a ripe old age anymore, does it?


Anonymous said...

"Heh. 23 doesn't sound like such a ripe old age anymore, does it?"

Well, for a cricket, that's pretty damn ancient. Though I think David had a typo. It's 93.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Ohhh. I seriously had no idea that was a typo. Thanks, Justin. (No wonder you're pissed at me, David! I didn't mean nothin'. Honest.)

Anonymous said...

Don't worry BB, I was just messing with ya. Though, I had no idea I got that lyric wrong.