Friday, September 28, 2007

The Line to Punch Young Gerry Conway in the 'Nads Forms Here


Why, that whole bit about Demitrius suddenly turning into a crabclaw-tentacled giant with tits on his head was all an illusion! *commands Storm Boy to play old-timey Vaudevillian "stinger" on latest model of Electric Sousasaxotimpanibone* WHACKITY SMACKITY DOO-ooo-OOO!*

How do you like that, readers? Where's your O. Henry now? Young G. Night Shamaconway must've been beside himself with glee, musing on the cleverness of this unexpected twist. Never mind that Illusion Demitrius still managed to knock the crap out of Iron Man, rendering the "twist" both pointless and incomprehensible. But you all must admit, you didn't see it coming. Because it's STUPID.

(In the background, Iron Man spots what could very well be a small puddle of vodka next to that broken bottle, and takes measures to secure it.)

*With all due respect to Patton Oswald.


Anonymous said...

See? What did I tell you? Iron Man's batteries ran down, he wet his armor, and the People's Dotting-of-Polka Army are just taking credit for it. I knew it!

Sigh. At least Slasher is as finally confused and annoyed about it all as the rest of us.

Uhm...Hey, you being the fashion guy and all, could you explain what in blazes Marianne is wearing and why it looks nothing like anything we've seen her in on her trip down? And is that a badge?

And just to check, it's still slightly moist out, right? Chance for stinky villain as the evening approaches?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

So the giant golden crabclaws on the giant foreheadboobies were all an illusion? Couldn't Demitrius come up one that was less lame? Sheesh.

Siskoid said...

Those are even polka-dots, these guys are just so high they're seeing spots.

Anonymous said...

Okay, mental illusions is a fine, fine power. All kinds of nifty things you can do with it, assuming the 'shrooms don't make you fixate on crabclawtentacleforeheadboobies.

But. BUT!

If Demetrius has the power of illusion, why in the name of God doesn't he use it to cover up the freakin' polka-dotted jumpsuits?!?

MaGnUs said...

Iron Man: "Must... reach... puddle... of... vodka... *sniff* is that pee? Ah, what the hell... it's still full of alcohol. *slurp*"

Jeremy Rizza said...

Anonymous: Check out the shoulders on Marianne. Y'know what? I don't think that's her. I think she's going to yank off those black pants, stripper-style, and reveal... white pants. Yes, it's the triumphant return of Whitepants... Agent Whitepants, FBI! (Carrying Plastered Superheroes Out of Danger Division).

Jon: I think Demitrius' illusion was exactly as lame as Demitrius himself. When Slasher was berating him and the only comeback Demitrius could think of was to call him a "fool," I realized that Demitrius wasn't the cleverest pseudo-terrorist to ever put on a polka-dot jumpsuit.

Siskoid: Either that, or they disguised themselves as really rancid slabs of Swiss cheese.

Dr. Tectonic: Maybe everybody wears those jumpsuits in whatever Marxist dictatorship they're from. (Venezuela, maybe?) Plus they have those squished-down conductor's hats, like the Maoists like to wear. Only in pink.

MaGnUs: Hey, Iron Man can't afford to be choosy. ...Wait a minute, he's a gazillionaire so he totally can!

Anonymous said...

Re: Agent Whitepants, That. Would. Be. Awesome!

If anything could redeem this story, it'd be the nameless guy to once again give Iron Man "the proverbial hand." But keep your fingers out of "the till," brave Whitepants.