Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Journey to the Center of Deborah Whitman


Ah, Deborah Whitman...! You know Peter spent the entire date computing how long it would take him to remove Deborah's intricately-layered outer- and undergarments. If we break Deborah's ensemble down into its various strata, starting from the "crust", if you will, we'll find she's wearing:
  • glasses (trifocals, natch)
  • contact lenses (never can be too careful)
  • a wig and a fall, over a hair net, protecting her extensions
  • two layers of press-on nails
  • an ascot, over a scarf, over a choker, over her neck brace
  • boots over galoshes over sensible pumps over thick woolen socks over support hose
  • a trench coat over a poncho over a parka over a windbreaker over a baggy sweater over a shapeless blouse with a ruffled collar over a long-sleeved jersey over a t-shirt over a 3-button henley shirt over an undershirt over a sports bra over pasties
  • a maxi-skirt over culottes over bell-bottoms over capri pants over stirrup pants over boxer shorts over "granny panties" over a chastity belt over a lacy, crotchless number but good luck getting to it (and enjoy jerking off in your shower tonight). Loser!
Deborah and Peter, the "It" couple of the nerd community, are secretly watched by Mary Jane Watson, sitting one row back. Mary Jane has cleverly disguised herself by parting her bangs in the middle. Well played, Mary Jane! And why is Peter suddenly having to leave? Because he's hopelessly intoxicated by the sight of that mustachioed man-stallion sitting two seats down from him, and he has to go "release some web fluid" if you know what I mean. (And I think you do.)


Anonymous said...

Actually, it's mid-way through the date. Peter has spent the last six hours buying drinks and then "accidentally" spilling them on Debby so she'll take off another layer of clothes. You missed the raincoat, motorcycle helmet, kerchief, lab goggles, and mittens.

It's nothing personal, though. She's from Florida and can't take the bitter New York autumn weather. Or the bitter New York cabbies, but that has less to do with her wardrobe.

Stephen R. said...

Wow. I wonder if Peter knows all the foot-tapping signals that he'll need for his rendezvous with hot, 70's mustachioed man-stallion?

Cause if he doesn't, I've available to teach him. Frequently.

(Dear Lord, I'm a loser...)

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Lol to anonymous.

Ah sweet, sweet nerd love. Is there nothing sweeter?

Jeremy Rizza said...

Anonymous: I tip one of the several hats I'm wearing at the moment to you, good sir.

Stephen: As long as it isn't "shave-and-a-haircut." Because that would be criminal.

Jon: I wonder what kind of pick-up line Peter used on her. ("Aren't these particle accelerators phony?")

Bill S. said...

I laughed so hard about this, and I honestly have no clue who Deborah Whitman is.

Jeremy Rizza said...

I think her outfit tells you everything you need to know.

MaGnUs said...

I call what Deb does cheating at strip poker!

Debra (her actual name), is the broad who after Peter unmasked in Civil War, wrote the book "TWO FACED: How Spider-Man Ruined My Life.” Opportunistic bitch.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Thanks for the correction, MaGnUs. O'Neil insists on referring to her as "Debbie" in this comic, which I knew was incorrect (and more than a little off-putting).

MaGnUs said...

O'Neil, like many other comic book creators, apparently has an alergy to references :P

MaGnUs said...

O'Neil, like many other comic book creators, apparently has an alergy to references :P