Monday, October 01, 2007

Hard, Moist, Throbbing Reality


Pop quiz, hotshots! Do you know what caused Iron Man to rally his strength just now?
  1. He popped a nitro pill (washed down with a little Jim Beam).
  2. Reserve batteries (two Energizer D-Cells) kicked in.
  3. The vague proximity of Marianne has energized the notorious horndog like a can of spinach does for Popeye. And that familiar steam whistle "TOOT! TOOT!" noise is issuing from Tony's wang.
  4. Skrull powers, activate! Yup, that (alleged) subplot's been brewing ever since "Tales of Suspense."
  5. It's the fifth panel from the end and Young Gerry Conway realized he'd written himself into a corner, so screw it.
The correct answer is number five. Duh. And sadly, this still puts Young Gerry Conway ahead of Young Geoff Johns (circa "Stars and S.T.R.I.P.E.") and Middle-Aged Peter David (circa his later issues of "Young Justice"), both of whom would just let the remaining five pages or so of one story spill over into the following issue before herky-jerkily shifting into a completely different plot. Man, what I wouldn't give to be a comic book editor in your era. All you had to do was sit on your ass drinking coffee and scarfing down donuts, and occasionally make a cryptic announcement to "Newsarama" or order some hack to redraw a character's rack/junk a tad smaller. And you know me: I wouldn't even bother with that last part. In fact, my demands would be quite the reverse. *sighs wistfully*


Anonymous said... toe!

No. No way. I now refuse to believe an actual person wrote this, Gerry Conway notwithstanding. Is...Can...Gah! I can't even find a question to ask. Even as Spider-Manesque sarcasm, it still doesn't make sense.

Oh, hang on there, though. Check out the word balloons: Tony's chit-chat is packed solid with bluish alcohol fumes. Slasher? Orange.

Is Slasher actually the subconscious psychic manifestation of shadow-puppet wizard Senator Noname?

By the way, I like to assume that the "editor" is actually a TRS-80 sitting in the corner of "Dan Didio's" office. They're not actually cryptic comments--someone just forgot to reboot after Eliza was running.

"Why do you ask what I think about the new Supergirl? How do you feel about I not talking about the Blue Beetle? I see."

See? Same effect, but the donut budget is smaller.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Heh! I love the idea of Slasher being Senator Stogie's very own personal Id Monster.