THERA MOURNS LOSS OF HIGH PRIEST
As the week-long funeral ceremony of popular Theran High Priest Seraphos comes to an end, the citizens of that city-state are still baffled as to the cause of his death. The cleric was found dead in his office on May 3rd in what local guardsmen are terming a homicide. In a statement given to scribes yesterday, Chief Guardsman Brutalos said that his department had no leads in the case as of yet, and that the crime scene showed no signs of forced entry, save for a small hole in the ceiling, a second one in the floor, and a third running the length of Seraphos' body. With no official answer, conspiracy theorists are actively circulating their scrolls, including one that claims Seraphos was felled by a "magic missile sent down by a capricious boy-god and an orange-haired gorgon in a metal mask."
In his all-too-brief career, Seraphos dedicated himself to ridding Thera of the strife and poverty that had plagued it for centuries. He brokered peace treaties among warring local tribes, raised funds for schools and hospitals, ended the local custom that allowed any victim of a bad break-up to punch his or her ex-lover in the face up to three times without reprisal, and freed all ponies from servitude. He was especially hailed for his "Puppies for Orphans" program, in which suitably adorable orphans are given equally lovable dogs. The orphans may then use the canines for companionship, transportation, racing, gladiatorial combat, or food.
Theran law dictates that Seraphos be succeeded by Thera's Archdeacon Deimos, who made his first public address this morning. (See related story in crumbling yellow parchment scroll 6F, "Theran High Priest Promises 'New Skartaran Order.'")