Friday, July 13, 2007

You Can't Fly!

s183awisedecision

And so the saga of Gravity Girl draws to its inevitable (for 1961) conclusion. Superboy, would you care to sing us the story's moral to the tune of "You Can Fly" from "Peter Pan"? Thank you.

s183emoface

Think of the burn on your arm
And of boulders doing harm
Think of splinters, think of pain
Worst of all, your stupid brain
If you only were a guy--!

You can’t fly! You can’t fly!
You can’t fly! You can’t fly!

Soon you’ll walk all around the town,
Keep your feet upon the ground
But a bicycle is no fuss
Or if riding trolleys make you cuss
Take the municipal bus

You can’t fly! You can’t fly!
You can’t fly! You can’t fly!

Fly with a belt on your waist
Crash and turn your ass to paste
Don’t take the job of a man
You can’t do what the fellas can
Now go make me a pie

You can’t fly! You can’t fly!
You can’t fly! You can’t fly!

10 comments:

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

She won't be a pest to Superboy -- for a while? How long did that last? Less than 30 days, I wager.

Dave said...

What should GG actually be able to do? The whole gravity/magnetism clusterfuck doesn't take up a whole lot of panel space, but man does it detract from the story.

Given a hypothetical revamp, how about making her powers gravity manipulation? Instead of super-strength, she can reverse, cancel out, or enhance the effects of gravity on herself and other objects. The scene with the crooks with guns would have to be re-worked; maybe the bullets get sucked to the ground by super-gravity or summat. Without (nigh) invulnerability to worry about, most of the rest of the story makes a lot more sense.

While this doesn't make the ending of my version ("the batteries run out") any less lame, I'm thinking the real point is that the resolution should involve Superboy coming to accept other superheroes as comrades and not rivals, a nice foreshadowing of his alpha-male role in e.g. the JLA.

jayunderscorezero said...

Aw, it's a shame to see this wonderfully nonsensical and hilariously illogical story come to an end. Still, thanks for making sure it went out with a song.

Blockade Boy said...

Jon: She probably started right in again after lunch.

Dave: Yeah, just to retain the "Gravity Girl" name, the powers would have to be gravitational in nature. And it makes for some nice symbolism given one of the hypotheses of string theory: that gravity is weaker than electromagnetism, the strong nuclear force and the weak nuclear force, but only in this dimension. It parallels how Lana could have been a legendary super-heroine but was barred from that goal by male-dominated Smallville. And it's a shame, because it would have made for some nice stories with Superboy, the veteran, helping Lana come into her own as a heroine. And to have their friendship deepen and mature. But a lot of folks have a morbid desire for the status quo to be maintained, so Gravity Girl's belt is melted down and things go back to how they always were. Bah!

Jay: It was a challenge at times, and not always successful (I hate that I had to fall back on a fart joke but desperate times called for desperate measures) but I enjoyed doing it. I'm glad you liked it!

Bill S. said...

Superboy has a hideous orgasm face. Even Hate Face would be taken aback.

Bully said...

ABOUT FEBRUARY 24th! The startling sequel to About Last Night!

Dave said...

For the most part, I agree with you, Blockade Boy.

My one quibble is with the phrase "Superboy, the veteran" -- the whole point of a Superboy series is to explain how Clarkie ended up being so gosh-darned wunnerful once he grew up to be Superman. It's actually a huge problem with the "Man of Steel" continuity and its bastard children; Superman emerging, largely perfect, from absolutely nowhere isn't very satisfying. He needs some kind of Bildungsroman to show the readers how he got to where he is today.

Showing him, in his youth, learn to accept and be a friend and mentor to a goofy super-heroine would do a lot to explain how he learned to be a leader -- and why, say, Superman didn't drag Booster Gold's ass back to the 25th centruy and make him give back his stolen equipment a few seconds after they first meet...

Blockade Boy said...

Bill S.: Or would he? *wiggles eyebrows lasciviously*

Bully: Starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba!

Dave: That's a good point and I love the comparison of Gravity Girl to Booster Gold, but by "veteran" I only meant he had more experience fighting crime. Also, thank you for making me look up "Bildungsroman." I'm going to shoehorn it into a conversation today!

Johnathan said...

That's one of the most charming things about the new Legion of Superheroes cartoon - Superboy/man is a complete novice. Heck, he doesn't even know about kryptonite. It's a pretty refreshing look at the character.

1960s comic book Superboy was a jerk.

Blockade Boy said...

No argument here!