Thursday, August 09, 2007

The Austro-Hungarian Umpire



I mean, I know it's an actual word, but it just seems so... so Conway-esque, somehow. Kind of like how Slasher orders Lucie to "pilot" them "out of this area" when he means "take a left at the next stop light, and could we maybe stop at the DQ for an ice cream sammitch? Pleeeaase?"

And just who is this "Lucie" person? (Besides a hot rat-faced babe with shellacked hair and a love of down vests?) Did the mysterious Mister Kline assign her to the terrorist team with those two losers, or did the fancy-talkin' Slasher hook up with her in some terrorist singles bar (with Demitrius as his "wing man")? Or... in a more likely scenario, is she Demitrius and Slasher's mom? Because she does look a mite taut in the face, like she's a sassy senior who's had some work done. And Slasher is exactly the kind of douche who would call his mother by her first name.


Anonymous said...

I love the look on Lucie's face, like she's about to snap. "Pilot us out of this area!? What the #!@$ is wrong with you?"

And then she entertains the final optionalness of piloting out of the area with great fastness and indirectly transmitting Slasher and Demitrius toward the directiveness of the van's aft and thus forcing them to validly envision mutual contusion, fool.

Great. Now he's got me doing it, too.

Oh, and the disco-ball earrings are the best thing ever.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I don't think "paranoidic" is an actual word.

The best explanation would be that Slasher isn't actually speaking English at all, but a dialect of Lower Albanian that happens to have a lot of words that sound like English.

That's why he's so mad at Demitrius: in Elbasanic Lower Albanian, "report" is a slang term meaning "clothing-holes", and Slasher is rightly concerned that putting holes in those costumes is one of few things that could actually make them look dumber.

Nate said...

Why is Lucie dressed ready to play catcher for a little league team?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Maybe that's G.I.Joe Laser Artillery Trooper Grand Slam's chest thing.

Bill S. said...

Maybe it is a lizard, wearing a mask to pass as a human. Like V! Not the Thomas Pynchon one, either.

Nate said...

When shopping around your resume to be someone's henchman, I think one of the questions you should ask in the interview is "what's our uniform"?

If the evil genius you're seeking to be employed with says Michelin Man meets a green and black clown suit, you should thank him for the interview and move on.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Anonymous: Yup, Lucie's a stand-in for the reader at this point.

Gyuss Baaltar: Because Lady Viper beat her out for pitcher.

Jon: Or just a down vest from L.L. Bean.

Bill S.: If she is, she's not doing a very good job...

Gyuss Baaltar: Words of wisdom, my friend.