Earth's Mightiest Weirdos!

Hey, I just figured out who "Mister Kline" is, based on the way he talks: he's a gossip columnist! "A certain armor suited Avenger... was spotted stumbling down Broadway with a bottle of vodka -- and a straw! -- in each iron hand?" I bet he sounds exactly like Roddy McDowall.

Other juicy tidbits from Mister Kline's column in the Daily Bugle:

• "Which uber-manly Avenger secretly enjoys arranging his long blond hair in two braids, putting on a Catholic schoolgirl uniform, and dialing up a teen party line for some heavily-accented 'girl talk?'"
• "One Avenger practically ran away from his redheaded hottie wife on their wedding night to spend some "quality time" with his equally-hot but way-more-crazier sister..."
• "Advice to aspiring young superheroes/actors: you can put away your sunglasses at nightfall, and if you want to parade your blue-furred "dog" on a leash through the Village, you should make sure you're not seen through a boutique window by a certain gossip columnist..."
• "What god-like Avenger has no idea one of the teenage girls he's been flirting with on that party line is in fact a certain defrosted conservative coworker?"
• "An eagle-eyed Avenger was lensed in the middle of some nude sunbathing atop his mansion, and if you ask me his "trick arrow" has a surprisingly tiny shaft..."
• "New York's tiniest socialite is so addicted to shoe-shopping she's nearly bankrupt and it's driving her nerdly husband out of his mind!"
"Who is the seemingly-reserved Avenger who phased his hand through the chest of a sex shop employee who told him none of their vibrators were available in crimson?"

(And don't forget to check out my lastest mega-giganto-post at Next Top Hero!"