Friday, August 10, 2007

Earth's Mightiest Weirdos!


Hey, I just figured out who "Mister Kline" is, based on the way he talks: he's a gossip columnist! "A certain armor suited Avenger... was spotted stumbling down Broadway with a bottle of vodka -- and a straw! -- in each iron hand?" I bet he sounds exactly like Roddy McDowall.

Other juicy tidbits from Mister Kline's column in the Daily Bugle:
  • "Which uber-manly Avenger secretly enjoys arranging his long blond hair in two braids, putting on a Catholic schoolgirl uniform, and dialing up a teen party line for some heavily-accented 'girl talk?'"
  • "One Avenger practically ran away from his redheaded hottie wife on their wedding night to spend some "quality time" with his equally-hot but way-more-crazier sister..."
  • "Advice to aspiring young superheroes/actors: you can put away your sunglasses at nightfall, and if you want to parade your blue-furred "dog" on a leash through the Village, you should make sure you're not seen through a boutique window by a certain gossip columnist..."
  • "What god-like Avenger has no idea one of the teenage girls he's been flirting with on that party line is in fact a certain defrosted conservative coworker?"
  • "An eagle-eyed Avenger was lensed in the middle of some nude sunbathing atop his mansion, and if you ask me his "trick arrow" has a surprisingly tiny shaft..."
  • "New York's tiniest socialite is so addicted to shoe-shopping she's nearly bankrupt and it's driving her nerdly husband out of his mind!"
  • "Who is the seemingly-reserved Avenger who phased his hand through the chest of a sex shop employee who told him none of their vibrators were available in crimson?"

(And don't forget to check out my lastest mega-giganto-post at Next Top Hero!"


Anonymous said...

Sounds like Roddy McDowall, looks like he's having a Montclair moment!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Who was the Avenger who ran away from his red headed wife?

Nate said...

Ow! I'm laughing so hard it hurts! Stop it! This could be a regular feature.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Chawunky: Haw! And he regularly brunches with Morgan Edge and Doctor Faustus.

Jon: The "crazy sister" part should be a big clue.

Gyuss Baaltar: Thanks! That'd be a good theme for a whole blog, really.

Anonymous said...

So Ted Casablanca is an Iron Man villain?