Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Rectangular for a Reason


Their evil mission complete, the super-powered criminals slip into their high-tech transport and-- oh.

I kid you not, Slasher and Demitrius' getaway vehicle is a freaking VW van. (That's enough terrorism for today, guys... time to pick up the kids from soccer practice!) So I've got to agree with Young Gerry Conway on this: their success is awfully relative! Sure, they defeated Iron Man (with a lot of help from Iron Man's liver) and yet he's the one who'll be flying to the hospital in his own private jet while they're probably scurrying off to some rat hole in a crummy old van. I mean, for supervillains they're not exactly enjoying "the high life." Although Conway probably was, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Fun fact: if this was a Gerry Conway comic from a mere three years later the Punisher would stroll around the corner and blast their fool heads off! (Life is all about timing, people!)


Anonymous said...

Yeek. And probably a Yugoslavian rip-off of a VW van, at that.

Still, relative success is nothing to scoff at openly. There's still the possibility of something along the lines of

"The cow says:"

(UN Building explodes)

Bill S. said...

I just assume that Slasher and Demitrius hang out in the back of the van, alternately smoking pot and making out with each other.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Chawunky: I think I ruptured something laughing at that. (You can expect to hear from my attorney.)

Bill S.: Ah, so those fugly jumpsuits are tie-dye numbers!

Bill S. said...

More like stains from the bongwater.

Anonymous said...

Wait. The mission was completely accomplished but they didn't actually destroy anything? Was the mission to fail to destroy things? Way to low-ball, guys!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

For my next evil plan, we will, like follow the Dead all around the country, man. It'll be cool, can sell beads and stuff to pay for gas.

Anonymous said...

OK, but if we run out of gas before we hit the state line, I'm still telling Mister Kline that our mission was Completely Accomplished.

Bill S. said...

Not just Completely Accomplished, but Completely Accomplished. It makes all the difference, believe me.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Bill S.: You win.

Anonymous: You have to start out with something easy. This mission was like "training wheels" for terrorists.

Jon: Man, I'd pay good money to see Slasher dance to "Sugar Magnolia."

Anonymous: Haw! (Capitalization = Comedy Gold!)

Bill S.: And Bold is Even Better!

Anonymous said...

I can't help but picture those two passing around a huge doob, when one of them says the following sentence: "You know what would make us even more invincible, man? Lobster claws...that we can wear on our heads!"

And then they go through with it and have to explain to their boss how they used up all their money buying the dumbest supervillian accessory ever instead of using it to build a bomb, and now they have to destroy one balcony of an airport by using some sonic beam that just happened to be lying around, because that's sure to cause just as many casualties as a homemade bomb made from bongwater, used coffee filters and that oil rag they found in the glove compartment that smells like it has been used as a towel.

Truly, these are Iron Man's deadliest foes to date.

Jeremy Rizza said...

...and then they'd end up getting shot to death by the Tinkerer when he finds them rummaging through his dumpster.