Thursday, August 09, 2007

Spoil-Sport Utility Vehicle

im41penchantforpessimism

Oh, for--! It's like they're two little kids, horsing around in the back of a station wagon. If they don't quit all that grab-assin', Lucie's gonna turn that van around and drive right back to Albania (or wherever the heck they're all from). If I were her I would have brought along one of those little travel versions of "Battleship" and perhaps some coloring books to keep them occupied. Or maybe they could all play the terrorist version of license plate BINGO. ("There's one from Florida!" *fires Stinger missile at the hapless motorist*)

7 comments:

Dave said...

"Does your van have tesseract zones? My last van had five tesseract zones..:"

Seriously, that thing's a damned TARDIS. They've even got sofa-sized fine art prints on the walls and a whole HAM radio rig. (Don't ask where they put the antenna.)

Also, that's a pretty sissy shoulder punch from Mr. Slasher there. Dude, learn to make a fist! And what's with Demetrius' eyes? He looks like a shrunken head stuffed with cotton watting.

Anonymous said...

Ooh! Terrorist Bingo can also be played as travel Battleship, if the kids are clever enough. "You nuked my semi!"

Oh, and if Slasher makes a real fist, he accidentally slits his own wrists, which...OK, maybe that's not so bad.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Comic terrorists these days have it easy, they get to watch DVD's while on long road trips. When I was a kid, I had to sit there and endure two olders sisters for hours on end.

Siskoid said...

Well, that's an awkward pause in Demetrius' speech bubble.

You can feel him thinking about his snarky reply, and then all he can come up with is "You're a fool."

Ooooh, solid burn!

Gyuss Baaltar said...

Is that a velvet Elvis hanging on the wall there?

Just one thing to say: shaggin wagon!

Dave said...

You know, I'm seriously asking myself why this story sucks so hard. Bickering villains, a comically ineffectual hero, cheesy soap opera, overblown narration -- this story should be a hilarious farce. Unfortunately, it suffers from a general lack of craft on pretty much every conceivable level.

Blockade Boy, you've done your best to suggest how to rescue horrible, ill-conceived characters. I almost think the world needs a "Bad Comics Script Doctor" to suggest ways to rescue similarly horrid stories. Sometimes snark just isn't enough.

Blockade Boy said...

Dave: I'm guessing Demitrius is the antenna, like French Stewart's character on "Third Rock From the Sun."

Anonymous: Hee! It's still more pleasant to watch than Terrorist Operation.

Jon: And it was hundreds of miles between safehouses (a.k.a. Stuckey's).

Siskoid: And since Slasher has been calling him a fool about, oh, every single panel, it just comes off as one of those "I know you are but what am I" type comments. Lame!

Gyuss: Or at least it will be once Ms. Clenched Jaw clears out of there.

Dave: The really sad thing is, the "bad script doctor" should be the book's editor. And yet comic books tend to be either way under-edited or edited so much they're basically written by the editorial staff. But mostly they're under-edited. It's like these anonymous shmoes get a script from Claremont or Bendis or whoever and they treat it so reverently they're probably afraid to touch it with their bare hands. They turn all the pages with ice tongs! And if they dare to make any suggestions at all it's just to clean up spelling errors. It's sad, really.