Extreme Blockadeover: Nicolas M.

The H.M.S. Exquisite has a new, turbo-charged, eight-gazillion-cylinder nuclear engine and I've set course for Rimbor and the galaxy's largest open-air black market! Once we arrive we'll try to sell everything we can before the U.P. can show up and take my pirate's license away.

I wish there was somebody on my crew who was missing enough body parts to qualify as a replacement but no. They're all just strutting around, showboating their non-amputated arms and legs, like they're trying to piss me off on purpose, goddammit. I'd volunteer for an operation myself if I wasn't planning on quitting the space pirate game anyway. I just wish I could keep some of the great stuff I've stolen -- like this great Imskian hairbrush set that I use for grooming my eyebrows. I'm morally opposed to guys "shaping" their eyebrows through hair removal but I do like to make sure they're nice and combed. Sometimes I "set" them with a little gel.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to the latest entry in my costume design contest! It's from Nicolas "Nico" M., who was faced with major interruptions -- like power blackouts and emergency phonecalls -- every time he attempted to delineate my chest hair! It's eerie. Clearly, some diabolical force was trying to prevent him from entering my contest. Weight Wizard's ghost, perhaps?

First, Nico sent me a "joke" entry, but it's so brilliant that I'm going to share it with you all anyway.

Gah! Scary! Nico explains:

Considering that I faced power outages and other distractions the first few times I tried to work on a costume, maybe it’s not odd that I finally ended up with an outfit not for you, but rather for your evil earth-3 (or whatever their calling it these days) counterpart Barricade Boy, the hairless wonder.

He originally used his power to turn into a moderately sized chain link fence to commit petty crimes, but these days he calls himself a hairstylist. Meaning that he mugs people and threatens to zap them with his depilatory laser unless they hand over their wallet.


Sorry, a real entry should be forthcoming.

I should hope so. Hell, you should hope so, because your nightmarish imagery caused one of my billions of beard hairs to turn white, and I'm a little pissed off at you right now. *yanks out white hair and grunts, manfully*

Now, this is more like it. And don't worry, I'm picturing it with a copious pelt in all the exposed areas, not just the calves.

OK, here’s a real costume. I suspect that it may be a bit too simple for your taste, but I wanted something that didn’t distract too much from your body. With luck, the cut of the arms and chest serve to emphasize your size. The flash of skin at your legs is there mainly cause I’m a bit of a leg man.

Aw, so close! I like the combination of the close-cropped hair and beard. The neckline is perfect. And I think the gradated colors are absolutely terrific. It's striking but it's not garish, because the colors are still predominantly solid. The boots are perfect, being a solid, darker color that doesn't compete with the rest of the outfit. However, I don't care for the high-water tights. Exposed calves are cool, but I think raising the hem to just over the knee would have worked a lot better. The way it is, it almost looks like regular pants that shrunk a little. Also, with the simple silhouette of the garment, it needs a logo somewhere to focus they eye. It doesn't have to be big. It could just be on my left man-breast, like a badge, or maybe on the waist, like a buckle (you know how I like to design those belt-less buckles.) As it stands, I'm going to have to pass on it.

From your LiveJournal I get the impression you don't have a lot of time to spare for something like this, so I really appreciate that you sent me these. If you want to revamp the last one a little, that'd be awesome... but I totally understand if you're too busy.

Thanks, pal!