Diagonally! Pretty Sneaky, Don Newton!

Take that, Michael Golden commission artwork! Always taunting me--!

But wait! How did General Angst get Tub to finally go batshit over Batman? For the answer, we'll have to move northeast on the page. Because Young Don Newton had an annoying habit of playing "pin the tail on the donkey" with his panels.

In the upper left-hand corner, we have Tub and General Angst reenacting half of a Beatles album cover, or maybe they're in a Bergman film. Next to that we have a dynamic shot of Tub, The Mortal Plastic Fist, letting fly with a plastic-reinforced, severed-nerve-trunked haymaker. (And say what you will about Tub's dopey mug, I think he has a pretty mouth. A real pretty mouth.)

And in the lower right-hand corner, Alfred's had no luck with his attempts to keep Batman entertained, which include playing "air piano" and wearing a big novelty bow-tie -- that spins! Nope, even though Batman's mysterious illness -- a syphilis-style STD caught from a dalliance with Doctor Double X -- has eaten away at his left eyeball, he's still going out to battle crime. And sure, he'll end up flying the Batplane around and around in a big circle, and he'll crash into walls and gargoyles and giant props and shit. But at least it's better than watching Alfred perform "Crocodile Rock" for the seventeenth time.