Monday, July 02, 2007

Legion of Substitute Costumes: Rainbow Girl

Rainbow Girl is my second-in-command on the H.M.S. Exquisite and she's truly my finest crew member. Granted, it's not much of a competition. Tusker is a dim-witted behemoth who spends most of his time playing fantasy magno-ball on his Omnicom, Plant Lad is a badass but completely immobile, my dear friend Storm Boy is an emotionally unstable lush (bless his heart), and my "cabin boy" Weight Wizard is really only good for "swabbing my deck" if you know what I mean and I think you do. So praise the Luck Lords for Rainbow Girl! She really rides stays on top of cracks the whip on disciplines CRIMINY! I'm mired in accidental sexual innuendo here! Rainbow Girl makes sure the other crew members ("Members"? CRIMINY!) do their jobs! She's diligent and smart and also witty, just a real charmer who can put you at your ease right away. She's also in constant need of validation, so if I let, say, three hours pass without thanking her effusively and in person for the work she's doing, she gets ticked off at me and stops working which creates a domino effect which causes the ship to grind to a complete halt.

So with her personality, I bet her Legion try-out was even more scarring than usual. Because the Legion didn't tell her why they rejected her!

rainbowgirloriginal

That's it. That one panel's all she got. That's her fifteen femtoseconds of fame as chronicled in "Adventure Comics", the Legion's companion magazine (a profusely illustrated pamphlet in which the details of that organization's doings are heavily dumbed-down for its dumb, heavy fans). There was no embarrassing flub caught on tape, no near-death accidental misuse of her powers, no anything. Just the Legion's typical "take a belt and beat it" shove-off. The United Planets Freedom of Infotainment Act of 2973, or was it 2979, or 2981? Damn sliding timeline! Anyway, that legislation opened the Legion's bits of business to the general public and it was from those formerly sealed records that I found out why the Legion rejected Rainbow Girl. (And then I blabbed it to her). But it's complicated, so bear with me for a minute. Rainbow Girl can split into four separate energy-beings*, each a different hue. Rainbow Girl Red projects heat rays, Rainbow Girl Yellow projects a blinding light, Rainbow Girl Blue projects a freezing ray, and Rainbow Girl Green projects an enervating ray. Which is not Kryptonite, I hasten to add. But the Legion thought it was and they hustled Rainbow Girl out of their tacky clubhouse in two shakes of a borlat's tail. With no explanation and no chance for her to defend herself. But you know the Legion... they're hell-bent on protecting their own personal Mark McGuire and Marion Jones, a.k.a. a certain Kryptonian pair who are so hopped up on yellow sun radiation they can't even recognize a cool facial hair style when they see it. (I had a sweet-ass goatee and muttonchops and they called me "Pappy Yokum"! HOW DARE THEY. Besides, I've always pictured myself as more the "Earthquake McGoon" type. Only hairier.)

Wait, what were we talking about?

Rainbow Girl! Right! Thank you! So. Rainbow Girl might not have received such a hasty farewell on that fateful day if only she'd opted for a more striking costume. And hairstyle! Here's Rainbow Girl today in an outfit and coif I designed especially for her:

rainbowgirlnew

Once Rainbow Girl trusted me enough to take me on as her fashion adviser, I had her toss out every bit of rainbow-patterned apparel in her closet. Which was a lot. Her very noggin emits pulses of rainbow-colored light at all times so I don't think she needs anything else competing with that. Her hair doesn't have a lot of body, so I counseled her to switch to a short, layered spiky 'do which gives it more lift. I also lightened it a bit to bring out her natural purple undertones. (And I thought it looked so bangin' I decided to make my own hair that color!) The costume itself is in a silver-gray metallic fabric with hints of violet and turquoise. The silhouette features a scalloped top to evoke a cloudbank. Rainbow Girl is a helluva fighter both hand-to-hand and in her energy forms, so I designed this as a "working" costume. That means the neckline, while feminine and flattering, is also high enough that her bosoms won't pop out in the middle of a scrap. And there are no high heels or dangling jewelry. It's a business suit, and her business is kicking your ass!

*When I interviewed Rainbow Girl for the job of First Mate I asked her if she could do the work of four people. She said yes, not knowing the four people I meant were Tusker, Plant Lad, Storm Boy, and Weight Wizard.

11 comments:

Johnathan said...

Yeah, Rainbow Girl always seemed to have gotten the short end of the stick to me. I'll be that the real reason for her rejection was that crumb Sun Boy, all insecure about someone having powers that overlap with his. Plus she's prettier than him, so that'd get his goat.

Bully said...

For some reason I read that panel as "Hey! You can't bring that dangerous Borat in here!"

Borat goes where he wants to, baby!

Bill S. said...

I guess I always assumed that Sun Boy was trying to put her into a vulnerable state, so he could swoop in for the kill later. "Y'know, I would've voted for ya babe, but Triplicate Girl was all like, 'We already have me, I split into three girls, why do we need her, boo hoo hoo,' and, y'know, everyone feels sorry for her, because she's so lame, even Bouncing Boy! Say, barkeep, get the lady another kono juice, and put it on my tab!"

Sun Boy, like all Legionnaires, is a jerk.

Chawunky said...

I do most certainly like. She looks kickass.

Blockade Boy said...

Jonathan and Bill S.: Both of those theories sound perfectly plausible to me.

Bully: Me too!

Chawunky: Thanks! And it's great to hear from you again!

Scipio said...

Wait, so...

The Legion rejected Holy Mary Mother of God?

"I'm sorry, Mother of God Girl; but your power of immaculate conception wouldn't be of much use to us in battle!"

I mean, really, who DID Matter-Eater Lad sleep with in to get accepted?

Johnathan said...

Matter-Eater Lad got in because he was *awesome*. I'll hear no more Tenzil-bashing, thank you.

LurkerWithout said...

That is a shockingly butch haircut. I think (just going on that haircut) that she was rejected after hitting on Triplicate Girl to try and get some kind of 3 on 4 thing going...

What the hell would you even call that in French? Other than LE HOT!

Blockade Boy said...

Scipio: Haw! Thank God there's no Hell, huh?

Jonathan: Tenzil helped me escape the Super-Stalag of Space so he's okay by me.

Lurkerwithout: *chuckles* You think that's a butch haircut? It's butch like Pat Benatar, maybe!

MaGnUs said...

I like the hair, the costume actually makes me think of rock or bone...

Blockade Boy said...

That's because you can't tell how beautifully iridescent it is. I guess Terran eyeballs just don't have what it takes. It's a shame, really...