This Looks Like a Job for an STD-Riddled Bottle Jockey!
Wow, it has a coin acceptor! Little-known fact: Tony's last high-tech pacemaker conked out on him in the middle of a spectacular three-way with Pepper Potts and Jarvis, and he had to construct a brand new one on the spot out of the "magic fingers" vibrating bed in their filthy little motel room. The only downside is that he has to keep feeding it nickels.
By the way, you know what all the upper-class business magnates like to wear?
Monogrammed belt buckles!
...Oops. My bad. That's actually what pimps like to wear. (Tony still qualifies!)