Director: I gotta say, you are acing this audition, Demitrius!
Demitrius: Bolshoi spasibo, tovarisch-- er, um, I mean, thanks.
Director: Let's just skip to then end, then... that'd be the top of page five in your script. And you can just improv the children's names... feel free to "riff" here.
Demitrius [nods, excitedly flips through script]: Romper, bomper, stomper, boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. Magic mirror, tell me today, have all my friends had fun at play? ...I can see Mike, and Skip, and Farrah, and Jon, and... Guss, and, and Maggie, and Phil, I, I can see so many children, oh God! Head... pounding...!
Director: Whoa! You okay there, buddy?
Demitrius [hyperventilating, trembling]: ...And Phil, and Jen, and Aaron! Jayson! Dorian! Sweet Lord, Slasher, their names--!!!
Director [looks around at otherwise empty room]: "Slasher"? Who the hell--?
Demitrius: I can't hold it in any longer!
Director: Oh, uh, if you need to take a bathroom break, that's cool, we can just--
Demitrius: The change... starting!!! [His forehead bulges and bubbles like some guy from "Scanners" and then two prehensile lobster-clawed arms pop out] GRRRRRAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! MUST... DESTROY...
Director [calmly picks up telephone and punches a button]: Sally, please send in the next applicant... oh, and get the police on the line, would you? Thanks.