Friday, September 07, 2007

Have All My Friends Had Fun at Play?


...Aaaannnd now you know why Demitrius was never hired as host of the DC-area "Romper Room." *points to Storm Boy, who obligingly plays "flashback glissando" on re-rebuilt Electric Sousasaxotimpanibone*
Director: I gotta say, you are acing this audition, Demitrius!

Demitrius: Bolshoi spasibo, tovarisch-- er, um, I mean, thanks.

Director: Let's just skip to then end, then... that'd be the top of page five in your script. And you can just improv the children's names... feel free to "riff" here.

Demitrius [nods, excitedly flips through script]: Romper, bomper, stomper, boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. Magic mirror, tell me today, have all my friends had fun at play? ...I can see Mike, and Skip, and Farrah, and Jon, and... Guss, and, and Maggie, and Phil, I, I can see so many children, oh God! Head... pounding...!

Director: Whoa! You okay there, buddy?

Demitrius [hyperventilating, trembling]: ...And Phil, and Jen, and Aaron! Jayson! Dorian! Sweet Lord, Slasher, their names--!!!

Director [looks around at otherwise empty room]: "Slasher"? Who the hell--?

Demitrius: I can't hold it in any longer!

Director: Oh, uh, if you need to take a bathroom break, that's cool, we can just--

Demitrius: The change... starting!!! [His forehead bulges and bubbles like some guy from "Scanners" and then two prehensile lobster-clawed arms pop out] GRRRRRAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! MUST... DESTROY...

Director [calmly picks up telephone and punches a button]: Sally, please send in the next applicant... oh, and get the police on the line, would you? Thanks.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

You can't just see the change, you have to be the change.

Anonymous said...

Consider: We already know that Marianne is annoying, but how annoying must she be when Demetrius thinks she's a pain in the polka-dotted butt?

Also, I believe this ties up the loose ends from the "conversation" she and Tony had on the plane ride in. "The Change" is starting. Gotcha. The moronic jumpsuited terrorists are all just a clever metaphor for how Tony feels about menopause.

Or the Romper Room thing works, too.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Jon: And Demitrius is more "method" than Vincent D'Onofrio!

Anonymous: Yeah, I like that after all of Slasher's abuse, what triggers Demitrius' lobsterhead episode is consternation over the number of R's in "Marrrrrrianne."

Chawunky: Indeed, my friend. Indeed.