Wednesday, September 05, 2007

To Be Fair, You Have No Way of Knowing Whether or Not He Winked

im41somuchaswink

So... he's got his boxers in a bunch because Iron Man didn't stop to say "Hi" or something. And yet, in the middle of a building collapse (with people possibly missing or maybe even dead) he's just standing there, savoring his stogie and doing nothing to help out. But yeah, it's that Iron Man who's the callous sonuvabitch. I was trying to figure out why he even still had that damn cigar, which he had been puffing on all through Tony Stark's presentation, and then it hit me -- homely middled-aged white guy + paranoia directed towards a superhero + ever-present cigar x facile characterization = J. Jonah Jameson. Your average Young Gerry Conway story didn't feature many character types. Most could be boiled down into two categories: the whiny sadsack loser and the inexplicably hateful asshole. Let's do a quick tally...
  1. Demitrius: whiny sadsack loser.
  2. Slasher: inexplicably hateful asshole.
  3. Marianne: whiny sadsack loser (admittedly, most of her whining is internal).
  4. Christine (the gal falling off the balcony): whiny sadsack loser.
  5. Danny (her Australopithecus boyfriend): inexplicably hateful asshole.
  6. Lucie (she-terrorist/possible umpire): she's only had one line of dialog, but she kind of looks like an asshole to me.
  7. The Dread Mister Kline: no contest. He's an inexplicably hateful asshole.
  8. White-panted samaritan: hard to get a read on this guy, but since he's helpful I bet once you get him talking you'd find out he's a whiny sadsack loser.
  9. Senator Stogie: as previously indicated, inexplicably hateful asshole.
  10. Crandal: whiny sadsack loser.
  11. Tony Stark/Iron Man: as the book's protagonist, Conway makes his character a rich tapestry of fascinating contradictions: he's an inexplicably whiny sadsack asshole!

5 comments:

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

"There's a conspiracy here and I'm going to get to the bottom of it... right after I head into the men's room to play footise with the guy in the next stall."

Anonymous said...

"Uhm...hi. I know it's not my business and all, but since you're trying to club me to death with my own arm, I guess I'll ask anyway. What are you talking about, and who the heck dressed you!? And you do know it's non-smoking inside federal buildings, right?"

The artist isn't a complete loser, though. Look at the craftsmanship of the younger guy tucking the ugly red tie inside his shirt, probably because it got caught in his fly.

Dave said...

"And where is Stark, anyway?"

Oh, secret identity trope, how deeply stupid you are.

Blockade Boy said...

Jon: Ah, so that's what the cigar's for.

Anonymous: "...since you're trying to club me to death with my own arm..." Haw! And that tie is a trip. It's got ketchup stains on top of ketchup stains!

Dave: Thank you. Sometimes I think I'm the only one out there who's tire of it.

Scipio said...

"Your average Young Gerry Conway story didn't feature many character types. Most could be boiled down into two categories: the whiny sadsack loser and the inexplicably hateful asshole."

Can't you just replace "Young Gerry Conway" with "Marvel Comics"?