Friday, April 25, 2008

Two Funerals and a Wedding


From "Secret Romances" #27 (Superior Publishers, July 1955) comes this charming tale of Andy the brain-parasite. Andy's soft, boneless form luckily resembles a limp little army hat. Nobody will be the wiser when he feasts upon the gray matter of a shady soldier boy, and then rides the corpse like a pony at the state fair! Nobody, that is, except the soldier's sister, who happily consents to become Andy's wife! All the couple has to do is change their identities and move to some backwater town where nobody knows them. Perhaps they will take up alligator farming on the bayou. Andy will be known (and beloved) by the locals as "Old Shep", the sweet (if somewhat bloated, greenish, and foul-smelling) eccentric who utterly refuses to remove his old army hat, no matter the circumstances! Anne, meanwhile, will dutifully give birth to a litter of hybrid children, who totter about on rubber-boned stumps, and who generally resemble half-filled colostomy bags.*

*Disclaimer: I might be making all of this up.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The Jugs of Navarone


Yeah, I'm pretty sure those two were already headed "behind the pillars," smart guy. (They've been reunited for like, three seconds, and he's nearly got that bra off of her...)

Also: "Only a loan"?

"Resistance fighters", my firm, hairy ass! NOBODY can resist Zorba!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Souvlaki Squad


"Suddenly..." (at a Foo Fighters concert...)

"4th of July buttons"?! How the hell are those going to be helpful? Well they get Zorba into the county fair? He'll be able to buy a cotton candy and ride the tilt-a-whirl without fear of persecution?

I confess to finding Zorba a tad sexy. Just a tad, mind you. His Pan-faced mug is a mite too close to Jeremy Rizza's for my tastes. But the scruff is ambrosial. I'm not thrilled with that Dennis-the-Guerrilla stripey shirt. But then, the shirt doesn't have to stay on, heh-heh...

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Baby Jane Hudson: the Teenage Years


In this heart-wrenching tale, a young Bear Bryant is forced to end his affair with the robot from "Small Wonder."

Monday, April 21, 2008

That's Not What Guys Mean By "Bros Before Hos", Superboy


Mon-El first grew suspicious when he awoke to find a greasy, S-curled pube in his mouth.