Wait, What Kind of "Convention" IS This?

In your era, She-Lah is dating Jake Gyllenhaal! Or maybe she's married to Keith Urban. I forget.

So, how do you solve a problem like She-Lah?

You dare her to fellate a live wire.

The next panel: the Shield tells She-Lah to "go make [him] a sammitch."

I'm not quite sure what to make of She-Lah's robo-togs, here. I mean, she's got the imperious headdress thing goin' on, like the evil queen in "Snow White", but then she pairs it with a drably wholesome ice-skating outfit. It gives off mixed signals. (It's the Mike Piazza of supervillainess costumes!) One gets the feeling that She-Lah would smirkingly order you to get down on your knees, and then proceed to remove the pilled-up lint from the shoulders of your sport coat with one of those sticky little roller things. And then she'd chirp, "There! Isn't that better?"

And you'd wind up cheating on her with the ball-cutting robot next door.

What Goes "AWP"

"Unexpectedly" is right!

I know that Jerry Siegel gets a lot of guff for his writing (most of it from me) but now that I think about it? The typical Siegel story has jocular, exclamatory dialog; constant, nonsensical plot twists; and a general air of flat, self-consciously theatrical weirdness, like a bunch of second graders staging an Ionesco play. Well, I got news for ya, fanboys: you apparently adore this shit, and its called "Grant Morrison".

That's not the real Web up there, by the way; merely a criminal imitation. Or maybe I should say "delinquent" imitation, since he's supposed to be a teen. Oddly, he's drawn with a squat, wizened face, which means he's either lying about his age, or he's DJ Qualls.

Full Frontal Prudery

Hey, they were only pointing out that your fly was unzipped, Shield! Sheesh! (So sensitive--!)