Tuesday, March 18, 2008

It Was Either This Or Proofread Storm Boy's Novel (by guest-columnist, Gadfly Lad)

Hello, ancient otherdimensional people!

It's me, again. Gadfly Lad.

Y'know, I could be a whole 13.875... hang on, er... 6922103 percent efficient at my job, if Storm Boy would stop making me review these dopey comic book covers for you. What's that? Oh. The estimating. Sorry. I just can't stand to round numbers off. It makes me feel all dirty.

I'm not blaming you folks in all of this. You're great! Hey, why not give yourselves a big round of applause, for even bothering to read this thing while Blockade Boy is away! 21st century alternate-earth audiences are the best audiences!

...Anybody? Nobody?

Aaagh. I suck at this.

Let's look at today's cover, already.



Lookit! In the back!

Somebody set that poor guy on fire! And then they threw a net on him, and fired him out of a cannon or something. I take it he racked up some hefty gambling debts with the space-mafia. Still, this seems like overkill to me. Usually they just atomize one of your fingers.


Up in the left-hand corner, we have the Universe's comeliest brain-globe. She even has part of a hand, growing out of her stumpy neck. Unless that's some sort of mandible. She seems anxious. Which reminds me: did you know that anti-depressants for brain-globes can cost upwards of [EDITED FOR SPACE] until it looked just like a grub making out with an inchworm. Oops! I got off-track again. Back to the cover!

Then there's a big guy, throwing himself at another guy, or maybe it's a sensibly-shrunken Imskian man who is already way past another guy. I like the second idea. I just hope he doesn't land on that big, floating arrow. It looks pointy. But if he buys the space-farm, I wouldn't mind borrowing his outfit. I bet I could score a whole new class of lady if I sauntered into the hobby store or an astrophysics lecture while wearing that.

And finally, we have the big orange puppet-headed man, who appears to have fallen into an automatic peanut brittle machine. Just like I did once, at that amusement park! I was frozen solid, and some dumb kid mistook me for a dog's chew toy. Luckily, all the space-poodle saliva dissolved my candy coating. After 41.474 hours. That's why I always go to the amusement park with a buddy nowadays. Or with a girl! Yeah. A girl.

You know what I just noticed? Some jerkwad scribbled his name on this cover. And I'm not talking about Storm Boy. It was some other jerkwad. Named... Rich Bucket?!

What kind of screwy name is that?


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Most importantly, where did Namor get that awesome disco outift?

Bill S. said...

Well, you can tell by the way he don't need to walk, he's a woman's man: no time to talk. Music loud and women warm, he's been kicked around since he was born.

That's our Subby!

Jeremy Rizza said...

Jon: Good question. And that's my favorite costume of his. I just wish he'd do something different with his hair. (I miss the "savage" Jae Lee-era Namor, with the heavy metal hair and the beard.) *gravelly sigh*

Bill S.: If the gigantic seashell's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'!

Bill S. said...

I feel the need to pontificate, Spartacus-esque, over his prediliction towards oysters or snails. I will try to refrain.

MaGnUs said...

That's my favorite Namor costume too... heck, anytime he actually WEARS a costume it's my favorite!

And Gad, you got a fan here.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Bill S.: HAW! (That said, Gadfly Lad is, indeed, a breeder. Trust me; I've got expert straightdar.)

MaGnUs: The kid has issues, but he's definitely more enjoyable for me to read than Storm Boy (to whom I owe a big, musk-scented bear-hug, for keeping this thing going while I'm lamming it. Heck, I'd lay a sloppy kiss on him if I didn't know he'd take it the wrong way.)

MaGnUs said...

TMI BB; but if you need a place to hide, and you can get your paws on a time bubble; there's some space in my place.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Maybe for summer vacation, pal!

But I'm sticking around the mega-city for now. I have a feeling the Revenge Squad is behind this, and I have a burning desire to SMASH THEM for once and for all!

MaGnUs said...