Gender Reassignment Challenge: Mantis

Before we get down to business, I'd just like to say how much I appreciate the generous outpouring of support I've received after my last post. The mountains of letters and sympathy cards, the bushel baskets of orchids, the scented soaps in the shapes of prancing unicorns, the steamer trunk filled with Italian shoes, the gift certificate for twenty-five credits off the all-u-can-eat steak and potato bar at Space Sizzler, the kryptonite-encrusted rocket sled, the Shetland pony that's trained as a personal shopper...! Why, you're the best friends a 30th Century other-dimensional fashion designer who can turn into a moderately-sized steel wall and who is cursed with an ungainly yet strangely handsome mechanical dingus could ever have. *weeps openly*

*wipes eyes and deeply inhales, producing a wet snuffling noise like a gut-shot kodiak*

Okay! So... Mantis! What's her deal?

She's Vietnamese, kind of, only her dad is some guy with a German name who was the original Libra in the supervillain group, the Zodiac. And she married an alien tree, basically, only it was in the body of her ex-boyfriend, and they had a son named "Sequoia" (I shit you not) and she managed to travel to other universes under various aliases like "Willow" and "Lorelei" where she'd mainly just say enigmatic crap, and she hooked up with Kang, only not really, as in that Mantis was a hyp-mo-tized Space Phantom which you have to admit is pretty funny. Also, she has the power of "total body control", like one of those conditioners you can only buy at a salon. Not to mention, she has some kind of super-empathy and she can astrally project herself across the whole freaking universe and build a host body out of vegetation. So she's kind of like the Swamp Thing, only sluttier. She loves to refer to herself as "this one", which is the spoken version of never capitalizing the word "I". Oh, and somehow the Kree are involved. Of course. Also? Ugh. Suffice it to say, I'm not a fan. But if you like her, hooray for you! No, for reals! Go get 'em, tiger! *gives thumbs-up sign*

Girly clothes? She's bustin' out of 'em! For starters, there's the aerodynamic and way off-the-shoulder bustier, the Bettie Page bangs, and the cutesie-poo antennae made of God-knows-what but is probably just hair. And she's wearing a hula skirt!

So how do I butch that up?

Thanks for asking!

Starting from the top down, I had a heck of a time figuring out what to do with Man-Mantis' hair. I figured the hair-antennae would look manlier if they were more substantial. So I altered them into Quicksilver-style forelocks -- only longer, natch. I also gave him Ra's al Ghul's facial hair, to symbolize mandibles. I toned down the shoulders on the goofy fly-away bustier and made it into a vest. The belt and the wrist-bands were neutral enough, so I could leave those alone. The skirt is now ventilated, extremely breathable genie pants -- and not pantaloons, wiseapples! Unlike those ballooning antiquities, my Man-Mantis man-pants are tailored to gently hug the crotch and buttocks areas. It's only below those parts that they flair out, open up, and do their funky thing. Due to the shape of the pants, I had to change the ankle bands a little. So I inverted them. That's all. Simple, see?

I think it works okay. I'd never give one of my paying clients "hair antennae" or a vertically bisected yellow-and-green vest. Or that belt! But they were key elements of the original design and I felt I had to honor that. Man-Mantis would fit right in with 1970's sock-choppy heroes like Shang-Chi and Iron Fist. Right away I can envision a book-length novel where the three of them team up and go to town on a bunch of bad guys, and that part would be over with in about three pages, and the rest of it would just be them relaxing in one of those Japanese communal baths, talking about foot lotions.

I mean, I'd buy it.

Previous Gender Reassignment Challenges:

• Saturn Girl
• Scarlet Witch
• Looker (and a slight revision)
• Storm
• Marvel Girl
• Black Canary
• Phantom Lady
• Snowbird
• Dazzler

Next week: Rescue Me: Titania! But before that is April Fool's Day. I certainly hope nothing untoward happens to my blog.

Bonus Post: My New Swim Trunks are No Merry Marvel

Next week's post will be on Tuesday instead of Monday, so I'm giving you all an extra, early post this week. After all, it's the polite thing to do.

Don't you just hate it when this sort of thing happens?

Still confused? It's a long story, but here goes. Remember when I said Weight Wizard had faked his death again? Well, I tracked him down to the space spa on the light side of the moon, where he'd finagled a job operating the cellular trim ray. His name tag said "Lorenzo LaFontaine" but I could tell it was him, even behind the eyepatch and the cheesy fake mustache. Well, the first thing I did was to rip that mustache right off his face, and that's when I saw that it wasn't fake, and after he stopped screaming and we got most of the blood sopped up, I hustled his sorry ass out of there and we had a man-on-top-of-man talk. Weight Wizard confessed that he'd faked his death this time not because he had fallen out of love with me, but because he'd developed a hopeless shopping addiction and he was up to his eyeballs in debt. (I'd wondered how he'd been able to afford all the crap he was always hauling back to our swing-a-delic pad, like the fossilized brain-globe and the radio-controlled saucer made of real spectrium and the kangobronc-skin pants and the android replica of Noel Coward. Turns out he couldn't!)

Since the sweet l'il degenerate couldn't help himself, I forcibly enrolled him into a five-step program. I suppose I should explain here that the decisive disproval of the existance of God back in 2737 (Haw! Eat it, Immanuel Kant! Also, I suppose I should have prefaced this with a "spoiler alert.") knocked seven steps out of most addiction-recovery programs. It's a real time-saver! The only downside is that when you die, you're swallowed by a black nothingness. I hope you're all okay with that. Aaannyway, on one of my conjugal visits to the treatment center, Weight Wizard gave me these really cool-looking swimtrunks he'd made for me in metal shop. They're based on a costume I had designed for Lightning Lad (but which he was too chickenshit to wear) and they had this nifty gold-plated codpiece deal. They were pretty snazzy, and they fit like a glove.

So I decided to show off my new togs down at ritzy California Island (located some ways off the coast of Nevada) and I don't mind telling you I was getting a lot of envious looks! Sure, I had to wear a shirt because I'm prohibited by Presidential decree from entering the water with a bare torso -- all the back hair I shed when I swim forms this Sargasso-Sea-like mass and it traps dolphins and sea turtles, not to mention the occasional Olympic swimmer -- but I still cut a fine figure if I do say so myself. I was having a space whale of a time flirting with this brutally handsome lifeguard when suddenly, out of a clear blue sky, a ginormous lightning bolt zapped me right in the crotch! YEEOW!!! Not only did it sting like a mo-fo, but it seared my junk clean off!

You heard me.

Luckily, like all the men of my home planet of Amadus, testosterone is generated by pretty much every cell of my body. So I'm as manly and hairy as ever. More so, actually, since my body's overcompensating for the loss of my "stuff." Anyhow, at the hospital they fitted me with a hydraulic prosthesis. It's cutting-edge technology, studded with vacuum tubes, and you can program its action with a punch card, and to get it started you just pull a little lever on the side, like on a slot machine. Oh, and I can't forget to replenish the oil reservoir every three hours or so, or else it starts smoking like a son of a bitch. Still, I'm a little bummed about having a robotic dingus. I mean, first my pinky toe and now this! Sizzling comets, at this rate I'll wind up looking like Tharok before I'm thirty!

Now, where was I--? Ah, yes. My hospital visit. While the brawny physician's assistant was spending a suspiciously long amount of time adjusting my prosthesis, the doctor held up a still-smoldering scrap of metal from the trunks' codpiece and said, "Why in space would a smart young man like you go to the beach with duralim swim trunks?"

I believe my exact reply was something along the lines of "You have got to f***ing kidding me."

I don't know why Weight Wizard acts out like this. It's like he wants me to be filled with rage. Or maybe he's still harboring some resentment about my putting him in that program, or maybe he's bitter because he'll never be able to grow another mustache, ever, ever again. Yeah, probably that last thing. Well, the two of us are going to have another "talk" when I see him again -- a good, long, painful, debilitating "talk." (I'll let you all know if there's anything left of him.)

Next Tuesday: Gender Reassignment Challenge: Mantis!

Moral Realignment Challenge: Wonder Girl and Mammoth

The Moral Realignment Challenge has me imagining how good characters might look if they were evil and vice-versa. Right now I'm working with the Teen Titans and the Fearful Five. This time around it's Wonder Girl's and Mammoth's turns.

So here's another glimpse into the topsy-turvy world of Earth-AAA, where the valiant Fearless Five is locked in a never-ending struggle against the perfidious Teen Tyrants!


From previews of DC comics shipping November 8, 2005, on the "Newsapalooza" website:

The Wonder Girl Loves Mammoth Sadie Hawkins Day Special #1

Written by Bob Kane, Bob Haney, Marv Wolfman, Mike Barr and John Ostrnader.
Art by Dick Sprang, Win Mortimer, Nick Cardy, George Perez, Romeo Tanghal and Jim Aparo, Luke McDonnell and Karl Kesel.
Cover by John Romita Sr.

From the DC archives comes this collection of stories featuring everyone's favorite Fiver and the Tyrant who loves him! Features their first meeting in the now-classic "The Amazon Outlaws of Paradise Ranch!" from Blockbuster #97 (1956). Plus many important turning points in their lengthy (if one-sided) relationship, including "The Day Mammoth Betrayed Blockbuster" from Explosive Comics #325 (1964), "The Way-Out Wedding Crimes of Wonder Girl" from Fearless Five #16 (1968), the two-part "Love Hunt" from New Fearless Five #37 and Blockbuster & the Insiders #5 (1983) and "Tender Trap" from Homicide Squad #32 (1989).

On sale November 8 * 120 pg, FC, $7.99 US

Good Mammoth looks younger and handsomer than his villainous counterpart. An elephantine gray replaces the black in his color scheme, and the vaguely S&M straps and studs are gone. After all, what right-minded individual would put a superhero in a gimp suit, Mister Bendis? I designed a stylized "M" symbol for him that looks like a mammoth's head, and put tusk-like curlicues on his mask. His great shock of strawberry blonde hair is meant to evoke the fur atop a mammoth's head, and I think it just begs to be tousled. The long gray boots and gloves are remeniscent of an elephant's legs. He's relatively hairless because that's just how it was done in those days. And yes, good Mammoth is indeed the kid sidekick to a good version of the old Batman villain, Blockbuster. Also? Mammoth and Wonder Girl = Moose and Big Ethel from Archie Comics.

I gave Evil Wonder Girl a cowgirl theme for a couple of reasons. For one, I wanted to avoid the Greek-armored, militaristic bad-ass cliche. For another, I just thought it would be fun. And finally, the lasso suggested it. Since she's bad, I replaced the white-starred blue in her original costume with plain old black. And her "W" symbol is meant to suggest a cattle brand. Not that I pulled it off at all, but I tried to make the evil Wonder Girl beefier than the good one -- not because sturdier, curvier gals are evil, but because I thought it would make her a better physical counterpart for the cartoonishly muscular Mammoth (and all his oversized... appendages.)

Gender Reassignment Challenge: Dazzler to Sundog

With the Gender Reassignment Challenge, I take a reasonably feminine costume and reimagine it for a male version of the character. This week I chose everyone's favorite 80's Disco Queen... the Dazzler! The Dazzler's comic outlived Disco -- by quite a few years, actually -- and her formerly fabulous sequined togs had to be dropped in favor of something more "rad." In between the two costumes was a long stretch where she just wore plain clothes... assuming you consider ankle warmers and off-the-shoulder sweatshirt-dresses "plain."

My He-Dazzler (and no, Scipio, I refuse to call him that) is no Disco King. As amusing as that might be, I figure Marvel would have positioned a male Dazzler (Ellison Blaire!) as a rocker. Sure, he'd be one of those ill-defined fictional rockers favored by out-of-touch, aging Baby Boomers in the early 80's. You know the type I mean -- he'd front an allegedly "Punk Rock" band, but his attire would be mostly Glam, Funk, and Alice Cooper/KISS face-paintin' metal. But he'd wear bracelets with spikes on them! Certainly that would be "Punk," right, you granola-chugging, social-security-gobbling dinosaurs?

Here's Dazzler in her original outfit:

And here's the "edgy" "hard core" "bad-ass" version... Sundog!

Why "Sundog?" Because "Dazzler" just isn't ROCK 'N' ROLL!!! Also, it gives me the excuse to change Dazzler's goofy facepaint butterfly into something more like Peter Criss (or Eric Carr) might wear. I changed the one-piece into a tailored vest and slacks with no shirt. It's very Glam Rock. And/or Chippendales. The disco ball pendant is now a sun pendant, and the rollerskate boots are now stylized boots with teeth on the bottom. And he has Ozzy Osbourne's hair. Now, this is a guy who might debut in a gender-reversed "X-Men" comic, at a rock concert attended by She-clops, Wolverina, and Colossess.

Six issues before her book's cancellation, Dazzler got a snappier, more superhero-y costume, with assymetry gone berserk and, apparently, Supergirl's old headband.

Sundog's version would reflect, and maybe even foretell, metal trends of the 80's... and 90's!

The headband is a bandana, worn low over the eyes, a la Male Pattern Baldness-Era Axel Rose. Not that Sundog has any such problem, natch. The Aztec-style sun symbol from his pendant is now writ large on his chest. And on one of his calves, for reasons unknown even to myself. Except Dazzler did it. Most importantly, the assymetrically exposed skin is now hankerchiefs, and plenty of 'em! That's a very 80's rock thing to do. Hey, it was either that or Swatches. And Swatches were waning in popularity at that point. I think. Aw, what the hell do I know, I live in a glorious future paradise that you primitive losers can't even begin to comprehend! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm lashing out again. It's just that Weight Wizard and I had another fight, and I think he's broken up with me because he faked his own death again. That's always a warning sign, right? Anyway, enjoy the costumes!

Previous Gender Reassignment Challenges:

• Saturn Girl
• Scarlet Witch
• Looker (and a slight revision)
• Storm
• Marvel Girl
• Black Canary
• Phantom Lady
• Snowbird

Next week: Moral Realignment Challenge: Wonder Girl and Mammoth!

Gender Reassignment Challenge: Snowbird to Snowbeast

I was going to tackle this challenge last year (your time) but I put it off. Not because it was too hard, but because it seemed too easy! After all, Snowbird's costume is barely more feminine than, say, Dove's -- er, the first Dove's, I mean. The only girly elements are the color scheme and the ubiquitous Marvel Tiara. That damned tiara! Who knew the Scarlet Witch would be such a trendsetter? And of course it has a freaking cameo or some shit set smack-dab in the center of it. That meaningless little piece of bling is the element Storm added to the template. So yes, I suppose it's a challenge to try and incorporate the Marvel Tiara into a masculine design without repeating myself. But the rest of the costume is strictly generic superhero. I finally realized I could up the challenge factor by trying to hew more closely to my chosen name for Snowbirdboy: Snowbeast. How could I change the theme from birds to beasts and still keep the basic lines of the costume? Well, I think I came up with a happy solution.

Here's the Snowbird everybody knows and loves:

And here's Snowbeast, rough-and-tumble Canuck drinking buddy and all-around flamboyant dresser:

See what I did with the tiara? I turned it into hair! I initially had Snowbeast's chin and upper lip totally hairless, but then he really looked like Lion-O. I changed the oval jewel/cameo/lozenge/thingie into a rocky crystal. No wonder he's grimacing! You try maintaining a sunny disposition with a freaking New Age crystal embedded in your skull. Also, he just realized he's standing in a puddle of Kool-Aid and now his socks are all squishy. Back to the crystal... I moved it further down on his head, Adam Warlock-style. It's butcher that way. No, I can't explain why. Just trust me on this, okay? Sheesh! I pushed the sky blue of the original costume towards a grayer, storm-cloud blue, and I roughed up the feathery, scalloped edges of the cape, gloves, and boots into Marvel-esque Byrne Tatters. But then I screwed that up with an ill-advised inking job. D'oh! And I did a Timber Wolf thing with the chest. Not bad... eh? (See what I just did there?)

Previous Gender Reassignment Challenges:

• Saturn Girl
• Scarlet Witch
• Looker (and a slight revision)
• Storm
• Marvel Girl
• Black Canary
• Phantom Lady
• Star Sapphire

Next week: another Gender Reassignment Challenge, this time with Dazzler! (Her first two costumes!)